


too late.

by sil_s



Category: Bumilangit Cinematic Universe, Gundala (2019)
Genre: Angst, Ganda has a happy ending, M/M, doesn't apply to Ghazul tho, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 14:24:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21477829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sil_s/pseuds/sil_s
Summary: a story where Ganda has a happy ending and Ghani doesn't.
Relationships: Ghani Zulham (Ghazul)/Ganda Hamdan, Ghazul/Ganda
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	too late.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, the title refers to our beloved Jokan meme.

The word ‘love’ is not something Ganda is comfortable to say everyday; he’s kinda bitter about life. But this, the way Ghani Zulham kisses him so chastely even when they’re both panting, makes him want to say the word. He can’t, though, because his lips are too busy smiling and kissing.

But, Ganda has been wondering; does love mean hiding and pretending? Hiding the whole thing from people and pretending that Ghani and he are just friends? Does love mean having to guess whether your partner feels the same? He starts to doubt the word all over again.

“Kita ini memang apa?” The question is often asked by the older man, especially after Ghani refuses to touch or even see Ganda in public. The other man always answers him with a bunch of sweet lies or even covers it up with temporary solutions. Either way, he has never declared that they’re partners or boyfriends. 

A year has passed and they’re still in the same position and Ganda is sick of it. Fine, if Ghani doesn’t want to make the move, he will. But, things don’t always go the way you expect them to go, right? Ganda clearly didn’t calculate that.

“Ghani, saya sayang sama kamu, tapi saya capek menebak-nebak apa mau kamu.” The words surprise Ghani, Ganda can tell by the raised eyebrows and the way his breathing changes. “Di setiap rencana yang saya buat, saya sudah memberimu tempat. Tapi, saya gak pernah tau apa kamu akan hadir.”

No, Ganda can’t back up now, even when he clearly can see the sadness in Ghani’s eyes. 

“Saya mau kamu ada di masa depan saya.” 

Ghani feels like he’s suffocating. This conversation is exactly what he has been avoiding over the months. He knows he has feelings for the man in front of him. Love, even. But, he just can’t say it. “Saya gak bisa janji, Ganda. Kamu tau itu.” He doesn’t know when his shoes have started to be interesting since he’s been staring at it the whole time.

Now, it’s Ganda’s time to be surprised. He has never thought that answer would give him relief. Well, maybe there’s some sadness and hurt, but it’s mostly relief. Ganda tries to pull the corners of his lips into a smile. He doesn’t know if the smile is for Ghani or himself. “Ya sudah, besok pagi saya jemput seperti biasa.”

The goodbye was subtle, but since that night, they’ve stopped whatever it was that they had.

* * *

Moving on from someone, Ganda laughs at himself for thinking that, is hard. Especially when you see them almost everyday. No more stolen glances when they’re in the car. No more goodnight kisses when they part. No more reassuring smiles on the bad days. None of them. 

Jumping from one bed to another isn’t fun anymore after three months or so. Ganda decides to look for a serious relationship, remembering that he’s already pushing 30. It’s still hard thinking about marriage without Ghani in it, but he’s trying his best. He just has to rearrange all the plans that he has made so far.

Ganda is thankful for Maria, though, the woman who is patient enough to wait for him, the woman who is so beautiful that makes his mind all fuzzy just by looking at him, the woman is so smart that makes him doubt all the education that he’s taken all his life. The woman who he loves and right now, he knows she loves him too. Not marrying her will sound so ridiculous that Ganda will punch himself in the face if he ever lets her go.

‘Lucky’ is the word Ganda will definitely use on himself when he sees Maria in the white dress, walking down the aisle. Two years ago, he had never thought he would be happy, let alone lucky. He remembers smiling until his cheeks hurt when he says “I do.”

* * *

“Ganda, ada yang harus saya bicarakan sama kamu.” They’re on the way to Ghani’s house. The two men have already made up and finally gone back to boss - assistant dynamic after months. 

“Kenapa, Pak?” See? Even Ganda has gone back to calling him Pak.

“Di tempat pizza dekat rumah aja, biar enak.” 

Ganda hesitates, he has promised his wife not to come home late tonight. But, he’s afraid that his boss is going to talk about something important. He decides to nod and say yes.

Weird, Ganda thinks. 10 minutes into eating and nothing comes out of Ghani’s mouth. Is it that important that the man has difficulties saying it? “Jadi, kenapa? Ada masalah?" Ganda tests the water.

Ghani smiles, but he looks like he’s hurting. Ganda’s eyebrows are furrowed. He’s starting to think that his boss might be sick, like having a cancer or something. “Ganda, kamu ingat?” Ghani’s gaze are on the ceiling. “Dulu kita pertama kali makan bareng di sini.” 

_ Hah? _

“Iya, empat tahun yang lalu, kalau saya tidak salah.” Ghani lowers his eyes until he’s looking at the older man; Ganda looks confused and Ghani is aware of the reason. Ghani gulps, swallowing all the fear that he has right now. “Sejak itu, saya suka kamu, Ganda.”

Ganda scoffs at that, now fully knowing where this conversation is going, especially when he feels Ghani’s hand is on his. Ganda retracts his hand. “Serius? Sekarang?”

“Iya, sampai sekarang. Sayang, bahkan. Saya sayang kamu, Ganda.” 

The words feel like a stab in the heart to Ganda. Not that Ganda still loves Ghani, but because they bring so many bad memories and Ganda can feel he’s physically hurting now. He remembers how it felt to doubt himself to the point he thought he was not worthy of love. 

“Ganda,” Ghani tries to call since he notices Ganda’s gaze is somewhere far away.

“Terima kasih, tapi Bapak telat tiga tahun,” Ganda finally answers in a flat voice, almost with no emotions. Saying the words hurt, Ganda can’t lie about that. Sure, he wanted to hear ‘I love you’ from the other man so badly, but that was years ago. Ganda has moved on completely.

“Waktu itu, saya gak berani sama Pengkor, Ganda,” Ghani defends himself.

Ganda pauses for a bit. “Kalau Bapak bilang dari dulu,” he tries to control his breathing, “kalau Bapak bilang dari dulu, saya rela menunggu.” His jaws are clenched. “Saya sudah bilang dulu, semua rencana saya itu ada Bapak di dalamnya.”

“Gak semudah---” Ghani suddenly can feel something cold in his palm, it’s his car key that Ganda just hands him. That makes him stop talking.

“Sudah, saya mau pulang. Anak saya lagi sakit, butuh ayahnya.” Ganda gets up from his seat with his eyes staring right at Ghani’s. “Saya naik taksi saja. Terima kasih makannya.” He leaves Ghani whose lips are sealed, not knowing what to say after that. 

Ghani knows he’s at fault.

The other thing Ghani knows is that he is going to regret this for the rest of his life.


End file.
